I have to admit that I was one of the introverts you have ever met in your life. Even until today, I am still in need to say to myself, “Henry, you are enough. Go get it.” – I used to scare what other people say about me. When I was overweight, people poked fun of me. They would call me, “Fatty, fatty, and fatty.” It was embarrassing. It was humiliating. It lowered my confidence in me.
What I didn’t realize that three bad habits drove me to the point where I was terrified of doing something to improve my life. It was also the reason why in my early ventures, I failed miserably. I felt exposed. I felt bitter. I had a lot of pains in which it destroyed my friendship, relationship, and business.
The question is, “What are the three bad habits that can easily kill your confidence undetected in your life?”
BAD HABIT #1: You seek validation from others.
Every single time I spoke with clients or marketers, they have a tendency to ask me questions like, “Henry, if I do this, how long will I see the results?” and “If I take the steps as you mentioned, when will Top influencers see me like a big shot?” – I know those questions are great questions.
However, when you start making it a habit of asking questions instead of experiencing first, you are giving up your power to the other people. And, if the person you asked for validation has an evil mindset like one of my former partners did, they would use your validation as a way to advance their agenda. – What happens to your life?
ANSWER: You become a puppet to their agenda.
And, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist individual, they know that they can have you to do ANYTHING they want. Here is a portion of the conversation I had with my ex-roommate a few decades ago:
“My girlfriend is upset with me,” – Mr. Orange told me.
“Why was she upset?” – I asked politely.
“I told her that I didn’t have the money, but she insisted that I should buy her the Gucci bag. What do you think I should do?” – Mr. Orange replied with a lot of sadness.
“I don’t know. I don’t bribe women for sex. If she keeps getting upset over this, if I were you, I don’t want her in my life.” – I replied.
“But, if I didn’t buy her the Gucci bag, she may break up with me,” – Mr. Orange replied.
*Mr. Orange gave in and bought her the bag. It cost him $850.*
A few weeks later, I struck a conversation with Mr. Orange’s girlfriend. We spoke for more than 30 minutes. – She was flirting with me. As I felt a weird vibration from her, I decided to use a pattern interrupted technique on her.
“How is your boyfriend?” – I asked Ms. Pear.
“He is boring,” – Ms. Pear replied.
“What makes you say that? I think he is a good guy, is he not?” – I asked as I tried to deflect her flirting techniques.
“Well, he is a nice guy. I don’t find him challenging to me at all,” – Ms. Pears replied.
“I don’t understand,” – I asked as I got curious.
“A lot of times, I was just using him to buy stuff for me. I know he would give in any way,” – Ms. Pears replied proudly.
“Can you give me an example?” – I asked.
“Well, I’ve been wanting a Gucci bag for such a long time, but I couldn’t afford it as my dad didn’t want to give me the money. So, I purposely asked Orange to take me to the mall. When he refused, I walked back home by myself as I knew if I didn’t talk with him for couple days, he would buy me the bag anyway,” – Ms. Pears replied with a big smile in her face.
My point to share with you this conversation is, “Don’t be a puppet.” – You don’t need validation from anybody but you. Stay you, believe in you and be you. And, remember the only validation you need is from YOU.
BAD HABIT #2: You get upset when other people don’t do what you ask them to do.
You see, everyone has a different priority in life. It means that we don’t have any rights to control the behaviors of others. For me, I made it very clear where my position is whether it is my personal or professional life.
1. At home, the only right I have is to cook three meals a day for my wife. My wife can’t or won’t control me on each food that I cook. Of course, she can tell me what she wanted to eat. On the other hand, I can’t control where I should put my toothbrush, plate, spoon, etc. – My wife is the one that will make sure the house is clean, organized, and vibrant. – If I put my socks on the chair, she would get upset. Everything has to be in the place she specified.
2. In the non-profit organization, my godfather and other disciples are in control of day-to-day duty. – When I am in my godfather’s place, I would ask him if he needed help with a specific task. If he said “No,” I would ask his permission if I can clean up the backyard.
3. In my parents-in-law’s house, my parents-in-law and my wife are in control of the place. It means that everything I do has to be based on their rules. I don’t have any rights to make specific demands even though they spoil me or love me. I will always ask my mother-in-law if she needs any help. If not, I will ask my father-in-law.
4. In my company, I am the owner. I have full control over what I want my employees to do. The only right my employees have would be to focus on giving me feedback to improve the business or to do the tasks I have assigned them.
5. In a mastermind group, if a partner asked me a question, I will do my best to share my ideas with them. – I can’t force them to use my plan. I can’t tell them if you don’t use my strategies, I would get upset. It is really none of my business.
6. In my personal life, the only right I have is to improve my weaknesses. – My wife and I have a habit that if our conversation has nothing to do with us, we won’t talk about it.
My point is, “When you stop the habit of gossiping about others, you will start focusing on what you can do to improve YOU.” – Why is this powerful? You can’t change others. You can only inspire them. So, why waste your time?
BAD HABIT #3: You talked too much about what you are going to do and what you have done.
There is a saying that, “The more you share your future plan, the higher the chances your plan will fail.” – I am not saying this to scare you. In my earlier career, I mentioned to my relatives what I was going to do, they tried their best to talk me out of it. – Luckily, I started to zip my mouth.
A decade later, some of the relatives told me that I was right to pursue my Internet dream. And, they wished to learn from me. As I have mastered the secrets on building a successful business online, I stopped sharing altogether. Why is that, Henry? A lot of times, people would utilize my ideas as a way to compete with me. — That’s what I called a trade secret.
“Hey man, how is your business?” – Mr. Apple asked me.
“It is not bad at all. It can be better,” – I replied.
“Tell me exactly what you do,” – Mr. Apple asked.
“It is nothing special, really. I was just working on my book,” – I replied.
“What kind of book?” – Mr. Apple asked.
“It is about my story with a Brain tumor,” – I replied.
“I see. Hey man, can you tell me about your last promotion that gave you an extra $250,000?” – Mr. Apple asked.
“What do you need it for?” – I asked.
“Well, I just wonder how you did it. That’s all,” – Mr. Apple replied.
“I don’t remember as it was so last year. Anyway, I have to go now as I have a call in five minutes,” – I replied.
*** Well, of course, I did remember. ***
I just didn’t want to give it to Mr. Apple. On the surface, it sounded cruel. – It is not. It took me six weeks of preparation. Also, Mr. Apple didn’t invest 840 hours of the workload in deserving of my business secrets. If he wants, he can always pay me $10,000 to walk him through the process.
My point is, “You have the right who you want to give and who you don’t want to share your ideas with.” – If someone asks you, you need to know if the person does deserve you to hand out over 840 hours of the woodwork. If not, why should you?
“Henry, if you like me, you will buy me an iPhone,” – Ms. Peach told me innocently.
“You are right. And, if I were to buy an iPhone, the first person that will receive it would be my mom,” – I replied without any hesitation.
“Well, it could be perfect if you were to buy me that Coach bag,” – Ms. Peach insisted.
“You know I thought about this for a while. I just think you went out with me because I can give you free meals and free gifts. Let me just take you home and delete the phone number,” – I responded to Ms. Peach.
*I deleted Ms. Peach’s number and decided to choose Ms. Sugar to as my girlfriend.*
I didn’t tell Ms. Peach that I went out on dates with her and Ms. Sugar. It was none of her business anyway as Ms. Peach was just one of my dates, not a girlfriend. — All I did know was I kept my mouth shut on my decision the person I chose to be in a relationship. In this case, it was Ms. Sugar.
I didn’t have to tell Ms. Peach that I didn’t like her behavior.
I didn’t have to threaten her that I didn’t want to go out with her again.
I didn’t have to say I was about to choose between Ms. Sugar and her.
I made my own decision without any interruptions from outside factors. – The more you are sure of your choice, the more confident you become in every aspect of your life. It is that powerful.
The question is, “What are the bad habits you want to remove in your life?” Please share with other limitless family members your thought on the comment below.
Regardless, I strongly recommend you to download my new e-book, “The Limitless Mindset” for free at http://thelimitlessmindset.com. It will show you how to unleash your power to fulfill your duty & mission in life.
Limitless For Life,
Author, Speaker, Limitless Potential Expert, Entrepreneur