Why is it that most relationship fails? Why is it that even though you are trying to do your best for the other person, in the end, it ended up in betrayal, being taken for granted and hurtful ending? – And, what should you do differently to create a successful relationship from the get-go?
In the past, 99% of my friendship with others failed. I blamed it on the words “Bad Luck.” However, as I started to create a description of the type of persons I want to have and the type of relationship I want to attract, things changed from worse to excellent. – In fact, when you understand this formula carefully, you can become part of 1%. Also, you are able to have an accurate judgment if a person you network with or a person you are with will betray or stay with you for a long-term.
Let’s dive into it, shall we?
DEADLY SIN #1: You’re dealing with takers.
People who have the mentality of taking from others are not capable of love. – There is no exception to that. Of course, they will give you something with the expectation that you will return the favors. When you don’t or say “NO” to their requests, they will get very aggregated or aggressive.
The question is, “How do you identify a taker?”
That’s a great question, really. The truth is you can’t identify with your eyes, but you can feel it in your heart. Also, every single time you are with this person, you will feel really drained. They don’t reciprocate. They don’t try to give back. They only take, take, and take until there is nothing left. – In other words, you will feel used. Let me give you TWO examples in my personal and professional life, okay?
One time, in a mastermind meeting, a 17-year old kid came up to me for a direction in his business. He told me that he was earning a $10,000 per month, but he didn’t know how to increase his business beyond that. After a 30-minute conversation, I decided to help him.
I treated him dinner. I re-strategized his business. I invested days in his company. – Within few months, his revenue spiked to $15,000 per month. Then, I met him again in San Diego. Instead of just giving him direction, I helped him to tweak his webinar presentations. A few weeks later, he came up to me and told me that his sales conversation increased from a regular 5% to a 10% closing rate. – In other words, he was making $30,000 per month in his business.
Then, when he attended a seminar near New York, he called me to see if I would like to hang out with him. – I said “YES” as I really wanted him to grow. He was very thankful to me for what I did for him. Then, he asked me to help him to tweak his business further, so he was able to grow it to a $100,000 per month. And, I was happy to help.
However, I noticed some subtle hints about his personality. Each time we meet, he wouldn’t try to pay for the meals or even offer to pay. Besides, he wouldn’t say the word “Thank You” after he went back home. Seriously, I was that guy that helped him for free to grow his revenue from $10,000 to $30,000 per month. – Plus, he didn’t even give me credit either.
With my own mentors and coaches, every single time I met them, I would treat them meals after meals. I didn’t care how much it costs, I would pay for the meals. Why is that? Well, they gave me the most valuable gifts that I couldn’t get it anywhere else: Their experiences.
After the break up with my previous ex-girlfriend, I went out on multiple dates with a girl in Boston. She was gorgeous and adorable. – Without a doubt, I would love to give her the best foods in town. And, each time that I went out with her, there was an irk feeling inside me and told me to stop dating her.
When we headed to a cheesecake factory, she would order an appetizer, salad, wine, main dishes, and dessert. Basically, a casual date that might cost me $50 turned out to be $150.
When we headed to Panera bread, she would order the most expensive salad. Instead of costing me $10 for that meal, I had to shell out $30.
When we headed to a Dim Sum, I would have to spend a minimum of $150 for two people. – Well, I went to the same place three times a week and spent an average of $20.
She wouldn’t call me after the date. She wouldn’t say “Thank You” after each expensive meal. – Yet, my bank account is out by hundreds each time I met her. Then, one day, out of curiosity, I asked her a simple question.
“What did you usually eat for lunch?” – I asked Ms. Apple with a laugh.
“A $1 fries,” – She replied.
“Wait, only a $1 fries?” – I asked out of curiosity.
“Yeah, I didn’t like to spend money,” – She replied.
At that moment, I realized who she was and cut off our dates for good. Until today, she had no clue why I decided not to date with her anymore. I didn’t tell as I just disappeared from her life
DEADLY SIN #2: You’re in the relationship for a wrong reason.
A relationship is sacred. A relationship is a virtue. This is the reason why you need to ask yourself on WHY you are in a relationship. Are you in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship? Or Are you in a relationship because you want to give your best to the other person?
In every relationship whether it is with a friend or a potential spouse, it is all about what you can give to the other person. – With my mentors, I focus on doing my best to give back to them on many occasions. I don’t say it. I just do it. With my readers, I don’t focus on telling you what I am going to give you, but I use my messages through blog posts, articles, videos, and podcasts to show you that I care.
When I met an old friend in Las Vegas, I treated him a $200 steak dinner. I didn’t focus on what I can get from him. Instead, I concentrated on catching up with an old friend. – Neither did I realize that after the dinner, he shared with me the secrets of building a nine-figure business.
Later on, he became my mentor in which he showed me the blueprint for 4-days straight in Las Vegas on what I needed to do to build a 1 billion dollar empire. – The question is, “What did I do?”
Answer: I focus on giving.
When a friend of mine came to California for a 10-day trip, I flew all the way from Boston to California. – It took roughly about six hours flight. Then, I drove for six days along the Pacific Coast Highway to take him to Hertz Castle, Santa Barbara, Solvang, San Francisco, etc.
Once I arrived in San Francisco, I said goodbye to my bud and left. I didn’t ask my bud that I did this for you and you should give me something in return. – Absolutely NOT. What I focus on was making sure my bud has a good time.
Years later, when I was in a major crisis, this same friend came up to me and helped me with my business. He has even helped me with copywriting, promotion tools, and merchant accounts. Also after I was in the process of recovery, he helped me with advice on what I needed to do to improve my business further.
It all starts with building a robust relationship with others. And, it does take time. However, when you focus on giving to the right individuals, I guarantee you that you will have plenty of givers in your life. And, they are more than willing to help and guide you to get out from the crisis when you face one. – And, a crisis is always inevitable.
DEADLY SIN #3: You are kind to people who are unkind to you, but you take from people who are genuinely kind to you.
Every single day, you must nurture your existing relationship with givers. When things crossed the line, you need to find a way to fix it. – You can’t take anyone that kind to you for granted. And, you will always have to maintain the same type of personality you present to that person when you first met. In other words, you need to be YOU from the get-go.
You can’t fake it. You can’t have a dual personality. You have to be your authentic self that always focuses on what you can give to the other person. – Otherwise, in the long-run, when a giver wised up, they will flee and disappeared from your life. In many cases, it will be forever LOST.
Last year, after our engagement, I started to take things easy on my relationship. Instead of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner like I used to be, I decided to eat outside. – It was very unhealthy and full of grease. However, my only excuse to my fiancée was, “I have too much work on my plate right now,”
One day, my fiancée didn’t say a word. When I asked her, she didn’t answer. So, I decided to stop doing all my work and pursue further.
“What happens, sweetie?” – I asked as I wanted my fiancée to talk it out.
“Nothing,” – She replied and remained quiet.
“Sweetie, I am not perfect. If you don’t communicate, I wouldn’t be able to improve myself,” – I replied.
“You changed,” – She replied.
“What do you mean that I changed?” – I asked.
“Before we got engaged, you would cook for me. Now, we wasted money by going out,” – My fiancee replied.
“You know I am busy, right?” – I replied with certainty.
“You can never say that line. Work is work. Life is life. You can’t mix between the two,” – She replied with a lot of emotion.
As I realized my mistakes, I decided to resume my cooking habits even up to today’s date. Every day, I would prepare breakfast, lunch, and dinner regardless of how much work I have. – I wouldn’t find excuses or use the word “busy” as a way to avoid my responsibilities.
In Boston, I used to open a non-profit organization when I taught people the art of happiness. Every Saturday, we would have 10 people came to the center. I will coach them, guide them, and open up their heart for many possibilities. One day, I decided to close down the non-profit organization as I wanted to explore the path of my spiritual being further.
It was precisely one year later, I gathered with all former disciples. I told them about the path I was in. Nine out of ten people decided to follow me to pursue a new teacher. – Since most of the languages were in Chinese, I translated my take on the latest teaching to English on a daily basis and send it to Mr. E. One day, I asked Mr. E on his take for what I sent him.
“I think it is okay,” – Mr. E replied.
“What do you mean by saying that?” – I asked as I got curious.
“Well, I don’t like it, but I read it,” – Mr. E replied.
As he provided me with that type of feedback, I decided to reduce my daily emails to weekly summarization on what I learned. Then, one day, when I met Mr. E in New York, I told him exactly what he needed to do to change his life. Instead of feeling thankful, he hurts my feeling.
“I really want to hit you,” – He replied.
“What do you mean?” – I asked.
“You don’t have any right to represent the ancient teacher,” – He replied with a furious statement.
“Okay,” – I replied and stayed silent.
Since that time, I stopped doing any translation for him. The next time we met, he scolded me in front of everybody else. He has even lied to my godfather that I mentioned to my other disciples in Boston that my godfather was a demon. – I felt betrayed, hurt, and frustrated. I didn’t realize that Mr. E, who used to be a student, would against me as soon as he found a new teacher. I did apologize to Mr. E as I want to save our friendship. However, his attitude toward me got worse. – So, I decided to let him go for good.
One year later, I met Mr. E in New York. – He told me that everything that I mentioned to him a year ago did happen. He regretted his attitude of not taking my advice seriously. However, at that point, I was no longer care and wanted to do anything for him.
“Henry, you were right,” – Mr. E replied.
“It is what it is,” – I replied and smiled.
“What do you think I should do next?” – Mr. E asked.
“I don’t know. Ask your teacher,” – I replied and left the conversation.
My point of sharing with you these examples is because I want you to know that when we choose to hurt those people that genuinely care about us, sooner or later, you will surround yourself only with those takers who are out there to get you once you become weak and vulnerable.
The question you need to ask yourself is, “What are you going to do to move forward on treating people who are genuinely kind to you?”
Regardless, I strongly recommend you to download my new e-book, “The Limitless Mindset” for free at http://thelimitlessmindset.com. It will show you how to unleash your power to fulfill your duty & mission in life.
Limitless For Life,
Author, Speaker, Limitless Potential Expert, Entrepreneur