You can’t avoid toxic people. You can’t prevent poisonous conversation. You can’t stop people who will always judge you of your past behaviors. — And, even if you have moved on the hurdles, people in the past will see you for who you used to be and NOT who you have become. – It is normal. It is expected. The question is, “How do you deal with people who hold grudges on you or judge you even before they initiate a toxic conversation?”
You know that those people who were living in the past will always judge you regardless. You know that those people in your past don’t care whether you have changed or not. – And, they will hold on their same old belief system on how you made them feel.
Can you change those people who judge you?
Can you change their opinions of you of your past actions?
Can you change the way they looked at you?
ANSWER: Absolutely not.
The ultimate question is, “How do you handle toxic conversation when you encounter one?”
On the previous article, I talked about “4 Keys to Dealing With Criticism”, you can read the article here. I talked about the existence of the “Qi” inside each one of us. Qi stands for vital energy. And, inside our body, there are “TWO” energy sources: (A) The Yin Energy (Darkness); (B) The Yang Energy (Light);
When someone has a lot of Yin energy in them, they will grudge on you. They will become judgmental. They would keep getting upset until they poison your body, mind, and spirit with the Yin energy. And, if you allow them to continue poisoning your mind and spirit with the darkness, sooner or later, you will become what they told you.
1. If someone accuses you of being a narcissistic person and you are not, when you get upset about it, you allow that person to tell others that you are a narcissistic person. Why is that? You let the toxic person poison you with the Yin energy.
2. If someone accuses you of being a controlling person and you are not when you get upset about it. You allow that person to tell others that you are a controlling person. Why is that? You let the toxic person poison your vein with the darkness.
The keyword is, “ You allow.”
The questions are, “How can you avoid a toxic conversation? How can you stop allowing a toxic person to poison your vein with darkness?”
Well, you can’t avoid a toxic conversation. However, you can stop allowing a toxic person allowing others to inject you with the Yin energy. In fact, here are three secrets successful people use to handle poisonous people:
SECRET #1: Let Toxic People Share Their Thoughts About You.
Instead of getting all upset or fed up, let a toxic people share their thoughts. It allows them to remove as much as Yin energy to the air. And, every single time they tell you that you are this or that, you visualize that all the darkness (Poison) spreads out all around you.
Then, ask yourself these questions:
A)Do you want to inject the poison into your vein?
B)Do you want to let the dark smoke clear up from your surrounding?
If the answer is “B,” let the toxic person keep judging you until the end. It is because the anger, the frustration, and the emotions could be something that you did in the past. It could also be faulty. It could also be uncalled for. – It doesn’t matter. What you need to do instead is, “Let them take out all the dark smoke until the air is clear.”
And, the only word you have to say is, “I see, I see, and I see.” – Do NOT say anything else. If you try to reply or response, you will breathe in the Yin energy they spread to you. At that moment, the consequences will be very severe. – Again, do NOT response the toxic person until he has removed all his or her Yin energy. PERIOD.
“Henry, I think you are a joke. I really don’t like the way you talk. One of our friends told me that you are a narcissistic person. When other people are no longer needed, you just threw them away on the side,” – Mr. Banana blurred everything out.
“I see,” – I responded.
“Also, you like to control other people. Seriously, I really think you are a loser just like what your dad told you,” – Mr. Banana kept blurring out all the poison.
“You know, I am your friend. Only your true friend can tell you the truth. If I am not your friends, I wouldn’t have told you all these things,” – Mr. Banana kept talking non-stop to release his anger.
“I see,” – I replied.
When you looked at the conversation above, I merely said the word “I see.” I didn’t respond. I let him take out the poison from his body. I will wait until he is calm and collected. It can be 10 minutes from now. It can be one hour from now. It can be… (Never).
SECRET #2: Take Out Your Internal Self-Growth List.
Instead of listening to the toxic person’s feedback with deaf ears, it is crucial for us to take out our internal self-growth list. Why is this important?
Well, when you look at the conversation above (Step #1), there are many keywords Mr. Banana shared with me. These keywords are essential for you to check on things that we need to improve in our life. – It is what we refer as “Self-Growth.” Let’s talk a look at the keywords, shall we?
1. You are a narcissistic person.
2. You are a control freak.
3. You are a joke.
4. You are a loser just like your dad said.
5. When other people are no longer needed, you just threw them away on the side.
If you look at those five keywords above, the keywords, “Joke and Losers” are the label Mr. Banana trying to put on me. They are no use for our self-growth, anyway. So, let’s shorten the keywords further, okay?
1. You are a narcissistic person.
2. You are a control freak.
3. When other people are no longer needed, you just threw them away on the side.
When you have shortened the keywords, you are going to ask Mr. Banana on why he felt the way he feels. – WARNING: You need to make sure that Mr. Banana has already blurred out everything before your response to him. Otherwise, everything will become argumentative. – Worse, Mr. Banana will explode in a more significant way.
“Thank you for your feedback and being a friend. I appreciate it a lot. Can you tell me a specific incident that you told me I was a narcissist person?” – I asked with a smile.
“You don’t want to admit it. You see, you haven’t changed until today,” – Mr. Banana started to accuse me.
“I need to know. This way, I can be more aware of it,” – I asked with a lot of sincerity.
“Remember back in 1999 when we were all buddies. At that time, you told me to do this and that. At that time, I got upset with you because you didn’t like the clothes I wore and you make fun of me,” – Mr. Banana replied.
“I see. I didn’t remember. I didn’t know it hurts you badly. I am sorry,” – I replied.
“What about the control freak? When is that happening?” – I asked.
“It was your ex told me that you were a control freak. She said that you didn’t want to pay for her school tuition fees. You asked her to get a job and paid for the tuition herself. I really think you should pay for her college as you guys were in a relationship,” – Mr. Banana replied.
“What about your statement on when other people are no longer needed, you just threw them away on the side. Can you tell me a specific incident on that one? I will really appreciate it as it will help me to look at what I need to change,” – I asked politely.
“We used to talk a lot with each other, but as soon as you moved to New York, you don’t even contact me at all,” – Mr. Banana replied.
“I see. Thank you, bud. If you didn’t share this with me, I wouldn’t have known the mistakes that I made,” – I replied with a smile.
If you look at the conversation above, you can tell that a lot of accusation from Banana was not who I am, but it is Mr. Banana’s belief system as he felt that he knew me for more than two decades.
What you need to do as a person is, “Accept the fact that others will judge you regardless of whether you have changed or not.” – The only thing you need to do is to keep improving yourself. And, resolve the pain you have caused the person knowingly or unknowingly.
REMEMBER: You don’t have to announce to the world that you have changed. People don’t care. And, they shouldn’t care. Why? It is because every change that you make is between you and you. The war is within. If you can improve you on a daily basis, that’s all it matters in life.
SECRET #3: Ask for forgiveness and move on. If the person keeps holding the grudges even after you have apologized, distance yourself.
Everybody is own their hero journey. You can’t change others, but you can change you. However, before you end the conversation with any toxic person, you must finish the conversation on a good note. Why? – Every word that you said represents you. It doesn’t describe the other person.
It means that even if the other person still holds the grudges, but you must ask the person for forgiveness and kindly end your words. And, if the other person still holding grudges even after you ask for forgiveness, distance yourself and move on. Why? — His action doesn’t represent you. It represents himself.
The question is, “What if the toxic person is someone you have to meet on a regular basis?”
ANSWER: It depends.
A)If the toxic people are your parents-in-law, you can go to their houses less than before. If you used to eat in three times a week, go there once a month or once every three months.
B)If the toxic people are your business partners and he kept giving you the dark energy, you need to prepare your exit strategy right away.
C)If the toxic person is your friend, you will wait until he calls you. If he or she doesn’t, focus on your own life.
D)If the toxic people are someone you are in a relationship with, focus less on the communicating with your other half. Instead, concentrate more on improving yourself. However, you must fulfill your duty in as someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend. – I will explain more in the future article.
E)If the toxic person is your co-worker, smile whenever you meet this person. Then, focus on doing your best on your tasks in your position.
F)If the toxic person is someone you live with (Roommate), you may consider finding a new place that is less toxic.
However, you must end your words on a good note. PERIOD. Here’s how I ended my conversation with Mr. Banana.
“I am sorry to make you feel that I don’t appreciate you and respect you. I feel bad. I hope you don’t hold any grudges anymore as it is terrible for your health. I really appreciate you treat me as a friend and give me your honest feedback on what I need to change,” – I replied and ended the conversation.
*I smiled and hugged Mr. Banana.*
If you look at the conversation above, those words represent my characters. It doesn’t represent Mr. Banana’ characters. It was sincere. It was genuine. And, if Mr. Banana still holds grudges after I said my piece, there was nothing I could do.
Everyone is responsible for their own self-growth. It is why we are born in this human world. We can’t change others. We can’t change how other people look at us. And, we can only improve ourselves. It is our only way to live a limitless life, forever.
The question is, “What are the bad habits you want to remove in your life?” Please share with other limitless family members your thought on the comment below.
Regardless, I strongly recommend you to download my new e-book, “The Limitless Mindset” for free at http://thelimitlessmindset.com. It will show you how to unleash your power to fulfill your duty & mission in life.
Limitless For Life,
Author, Speaker, Limitless Potential Expert, Entrepreneur