What if your partners are taking you for granted? What if your friends are using you to advance their agenda? What if your significant others cheated on you? What if your narcissistic parents used guilt as a way to control you, manipulate you, and utilize you as one of their chess?
In the past, I would accept everything as part of my life. I would say things as people are kind. – They might use me for now, but in the end, they would still repent, and I would be fine with it. It was also because of this naïve thought that I kept allowing others to break (not push) my boundaries where I would be one part of their strategies to advance their agenda.
In my past relationship, my ex-girlfriend would use me as a way to give her everything she wanted.
- I can’t cook. – As a guy, I decided to prepare meals for her.
- I can’t do laundry. – As a guy, I convinced myself that washing clothes are a man thing.
- I can’t clean. – As I man up, I did all the cleaning for her.
- I can’t afford the tuition. – As I wanted to be her hero, I paid all her bills, school loans, and every meal for her.
- I have an exam in six weeks. – As I wanted her to be successful, I let her stay in another room for six weeks, cook for her, clean for her, wash the dishes for her, etc.
In my past partnership, my former partners would use me as a way to advance their agenda for growth.
- My wife and I wish to retire earlier. – I felt terrible for them. As a young man, I decided to give him 50% of the profit I made. I worked my neck off while the partner focused on his own business.
- Henry, if I could make an extra $3,000 per month, I would be forever grateful to you. – After my surgery, I helped a former friend to advance his agenda and reached his goal of earning $3,000. Instead of being thankful, he abandoned his tasks, enjoyed his life, and wanted me to hand him over my whole list.
- Henry, you were terrific, I wish to work with you. – As a giver, I gave my all to her. I showed her how to build a relationship with her audience, attracted 50,000 subscribers, as well as introduced her to my partners. Instead of being thankful, she backstabbed me, smeared my reputation, asked my assistant to spy on me, and used my name as a way to bring herself to the top.
With my narcissist dad, he would use people around me to control, manipulate, as well as put me as a scapegoat for his failure. Worse, every single time, I mentioned to him about my success, he would use the new info I gave him as a way of demeaning my self-confidence until nothing left.
The questions are:
- What is the power of walking away?
- Why do you need to use this power as a way to live a limitless life?
Before I talked about this, it is crucial for you to realize that everyone around you needs to know that the moment they cross your boundaries, you will be more than willing to walk away and never look back. It is also the reason why I will never want to betray the little Henry, ever. (Read more about little Henry here)
I did walk away from my ex-girlfriend. – When I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend, she would use every manipulation techniques to control me. When all those strategies failed, she would cheat on me behind my back. She changed the password on her cell phone, sold three iPads even when I asked to keep one for me, etc.
Then, when every attempt failed, she threatened to leave me. At that time, the word “Okay” ended our relationship. I didn’t look back. I didn’t answer her phone afterward. I just walked away and never looked back.
I did walk away from my partnership. – When I was in a partnership with a former student, I was too innocent to think she was kind. However, when things went from good to worse, I had no choice but to cut off the partnership. Ten years later after I rebuilt my business from the ground up, she tried to re-enter my life. This time, I wised up.
Instead of being too kind, I didn’t allow her to re-enter my life. WHY? Sure, I believe in giving others a second chance. Unfortunately, you could sense if someone would be there for you or not. In my case, I couldn’t afford to allow her to destruct my business.
I did walk away from my father. – For many obvious reasons, he entered my life. My self-confidence went from 100% to 0% in days. He would indirectly make me wipe out my bank account, lowered my self-esteem, as well as made me physically and emotionally exhausted.
Recently, I’ve even walked away from some of my relatives who tried to use many manipulation techniques to control me. I didn’t hesitate to block them on many social media accounts. Also, I’ve even removed them from my contact list.
On the surface, it does look cruel. – In reality, you got to make two choices whether you like it or not:
- Do you want to be happy, live your life without any regrets and being kind to the right individuals?
- Do you want to be miserable, in misery, and being kind to the wrong individuals?
Every single moment you avoid making any decisions, you’ve already chosen to be miserable, unhappy, and allowing those takers to take you and people that you love for granted. – Indirectly, you become an accomplice to people that you suppose to protect.
Think about it this way, okay? Your duty in life is to protect people that you love and care. If you allow ANYONE to take you for a ride, you become no different than those takers in the long-run.
The question is, “How can you stop others to take you for a ride moving forward?”
- Most people believe that they can’t filter everybody out.
- They believe that they can’t differentiate between good and sick people.
- Many people said that they wouldn’t know if a person has a motive or not.
- Most people said they couldn’t….. (Fill in the blank!)
The truth is, “You can differentiate between givers and takers.”
A few days ago, I went to my godfather’s house. I started to wipe the floor, removed all the debris, as well as organize the backyard. After two hours, my godfather came by and asked me if to come inside and ate ice cream. Then, as I kept cleaning up, my godfather would cook dinner and asked me to stay for dinner.
A 17-year old kid told me that he wanted to quadruple his business from $10,000 to $30,000 per month. – I decided to invest two hours of my time in helping him to tweak his sales presentation. A few months later, he told me that he achieved his goal and asked me to help him to increase his revenue from $30,000 to $100,000 per month. – I asked him to maintain his income at $30,000 for two years first. He refused and looked for others to help him to reach $100,000 per months. A few months later, his business dropped from $30,000 per month to $700 per month.
Last year, I went to Las Vegas to meet a dear friend after not seeing him for ten years. As I appreciated his help in showing me how to sell high-ticket items, I treated him a $200 steak dinner. – After the meal, we sat down on a lounge. He helped me to mastermind a nine-figure business.
A few months later, he called me on the phone and asked me to come to Las Vegas for five days. During that five-day power sessions, he crafted my new business plan in which it saved me 30 years of misery in my business. – Yes, I did treat him breakfast, lunch, and dinner on those five days. My mentor didn’t ask me to pay for his meals. I did it out of my willingness to reciprocate with him.
Here’s the formula you need to remember:
- A giver will always focus on giving.
- A taker will always focus on taking.
When you understand the difference between givers and takers, your chance to live a limitless life is endless. – It is also the reason why it is more than okay to walk away from ANYONE who tried to push your boundaries more than two times. (Read the details on what great leaders do to stay great!)
There is a saying, “Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you.” – It also means that when someone tries to push your boundary the first time, you will give this person a firm warning. However, when the same person tries to break your limit the second time, you will walk away and never look back.
Here’s an example from one of my former team members:
A few years ago, one friend told me that he was in significant debt. As a kind-hearted person, I offered him a job. I mentioned to him that if he gave me three years of his best effort, I would give him the life he was aiming. For the first few months, he was very thankful. He told me the salary I gave him helped him tremendously even though he wouldn’t be able to pay off his debt.
When I heard the words “He wouldn’t be able to pay off his debt, I knew it was the first red flag.” – However, I chose to trust him. Then, when I gave him some urgent tasks via Skype, he would disappear for hours. I had to message him. Later on, he would finish them in a rush.
“Bro, this is upsetting me,” – I mentioned as I have waited 48 hours for him to get the small task done.
“What do you mean? I am working,” – Mr. Apple (My former employee) replied.
“When I give you tasks, I would like you to work on it right away. I don’t need to wait 48 hours before you would get back to me,” – I replied as I get very emotional.
“But, I had to take my wife to here and there. Plus, I had to take care of my own business too,” – Mr. Apple replied and started to get very emotional.
“Dude, who is the boss? I am the boss, or you are the boss?” – I asked as I didn’t like his answer.
“You are. And, I have even abandoned my son,” – He replied with a lot of emotion.
“I will make this completely clear to you. I don’t appreciate that you cross my boundary. If you do this again, it will be the end of us,” – I said it firmly to Mr. Apple.
Instead of saying the word “Okay, I get it.”, Mr. Apple kept defending himself. At that moment, he crossed my boundary twice.
The next day, I fired him.
As soon as I let him go, I immediately sent out a post on hiring a new virtual assistant. Within 72 hours, I hired a new assistant. She is a giver. She focused on giving her all. Also, she focused on doing her best to complete each task I gave her. – The best part is, she is a self-starter.
I didn’t have to push her.
I didn’t have to motivate her.
I didn’t have to tell her to go, go, and go.
She is doing things on her own will. The question you need to ask yourself is, “What if I didn’t let go of Mr. Apple who pushed my boundaries more than twice?”
Would I be able to serve more people? Or Would I still think about why did Mr. Apple do this and that?
Regardless, I encourage you to download my free e-book, “The Limitless Mindset” at http://thelimitlessmindset.com. It will show you how to unleash your power to fulfill your duty & mission in life.
Limitless For Life,
Author, Speaker, Limitless Potential Expert, Entrepreneur